He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
