im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
