yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
