I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
