I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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