you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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