how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
