On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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