is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
