i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
