i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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