nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
