All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Let's get the cat blown out
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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