It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
