I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just want nice things and good sex
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize