You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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