ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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