I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
