I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
