You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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