He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
