Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
the liver wants what the liver wants
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dick very happy bro
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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