She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
When are your genitals available?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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