My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
soo... how was my night?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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