had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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