god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
