That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
