Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
