I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
