sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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