Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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