It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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