Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
