We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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