how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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