I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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