two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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