And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
