$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
