Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize