We need to rekindle our bromance
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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