mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I didn't notice because vodka
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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