dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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