btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
