when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
