I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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