I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
