How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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