i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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