Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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