do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
