I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
