I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
