i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
