Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
