The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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