I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
