So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
