we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
