Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
