I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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