I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
