you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
