also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
