I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
