There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
