the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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