Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
