she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
