lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
