AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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